Postcard History

 I’m unsure if I have my facts straight, but I think a lot of blondes shop in department stores. And so do lots of other people. Human nature is entertaining, regardless of hair color.

At Jordan Marsh Company in Boston around 1925, a blond came across a thermos bottle and was fascinated by it. She took it to the cashier and inquired what it was used for.

“Oh my, Miss,” came the answer, “it is a new product called a thermos; it’s used to keep hot things hot and cold things cold. She decided to buy it.

She completed the purchase and took it to work the next day. When the boss walked by her desk, he asked, “What’s that?”

The blond explained that a thermos keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.
Still curious, he asked, “What’s in it?”

“A cup of coffee and two popsicles.”

During a summer thunderstorm in 1944, there was a power failure at Wanamaker’s in Philadelphia. A blonde was shopping on the third floor for a handbag and new shoes. When the power failed there were only emergency lights available to help customers exit the building. It was a long outage, and sadly the shopper was trapped on the escalator for three hours.

B. Altman & Company sells everything, but only to certain people.

On a sunny Sunday in May, a blonde goes to Altman’s to buy a television. She goes to the appliances department and tells the salesman that she would like “that” TV.

The clerk replies that the store is not permitted to sell appliances to blondes.

So, the girl goes home and dyes her hair brown. She then goes back to the store.
“I’d like that TV, please,” she says to the clerk.

She got the same reply, “I’m sorry but we don’t sell to blondes.”

This time she goes to her favorite salon and has her hair dyed ginger. It was too late to return to the store, so she headed out on Tuesday. It was raining.

She walks into the appliance department and finds a different clerk, and says, “I’d like to purchase that TV, please.”

The new clerk, was no different, “I’m sorry,” he said, “we don’t sell to blondes.”

The blonde is so annoyed that she erupts with, “How did you know I’m a blonde?”

Without any hesitation, the clerk tells her, “Because that’s a Microwave.”

No man should be forced to contend with quizzical saleswomen behind a lingerie counter in a department store, but one day in 1952 at Marshal Fields, in Chicago a man found his way to the lady’s apparel department and told the sales lady that his wife had sent him to buy a Baptist bra, size 36B.

With a surprised look the sales lady asked, “What kind of bra does she want?”

He repeated a “Baptist bra, she said to tell you she wanted a Baptist bra, and you would know what she wanted.”

“Ah now I remember” said the sales lady, “we don’t get as many requests for them as we did before the war. Today, our customers want a Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian type.”

Confused and completely flustered, the man asks, “So, what are the differences?”

The clerk explained, “It’s all really quite simple, a Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army lifts the fallen, the Presbyterian type keeps things steadfast and upright.”

The bewildered man thanked her for the information, but only a second later he asked, “So, what is the Baptist type for?”

“Oh, that one,” she replied, “makes mountains out of molehills.”

On December 24, 1947, the bailiff stepped through the door at the side of the bench in a Dallas Courthouse and performed his first duty of the day. In a loud and stern voice, he said, “All rise, the Honorable John Smith, presiding.”

Judge Smith stepped around his bailiff and took his seat behind the bench. He took one look at the defendant and asked, “Why are you here?

The accused replied, “I was just trying to get some Christmas gifts from Titche-Goettinger’s department store across the street.”

The Judge looked at the prosecutor, and asked, “That’s something good, isn’t it? What’s happening here?”

The judge got an answer he didn’t expect. The prosecutor replied, “He’s telling you the truth, Judge, but he got the gifts two hours before the store opened.”

One day, about ten years after his marriage, Jake Murphy lost his wife in Foley’s Department store in Houston. He was tired and wanted to end this seemingly endless shopping trip and go home. There was a problem, he had looked for his wife on all ten floors of the store and just couldn’t find her.

In desperation he walked up to a young and lovely woman and said, “I’ve lost my wife in here somewhere. Will you talk to me? Just for a couple minutes?”

The woman looks puzzled and wanted to know, “Why do you want to talk to me?”

Murphy was quick to reply, “Because every time I talk to a woman as pretty as you, my wife appears out of nowhere.”

And in some places at some times, some things never change.

A man and wife go shopping for Christmas presents at Miller & Rhodes department store. After hours of scouring the shelves at the biggest department store in Richmond, the wife realized she couldn’t see her husband anywhere. She phoned him to find out where he was.

“Sorry dear,” explains her husband, “I wanted to get you a surprise Christmas present.”

“Oh that’s fine, but where are you now?” asked the wife, pleased that her husband could be so thoughtful.

“Well, do you remember the jewelry store where you saw that $10,000 diamond ring that I said I might get for you one day?”

The wife got a little emotional and says with her voice breaking a little bit, “Oh, of course; yes, I do.”

“Great!” says the husband. “I’m in the pub next door to that.”